he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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