He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
