Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
