I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i drank out of a bidet.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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