More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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