I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I did not marry a roomba.
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