He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
