I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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