the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
