Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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