I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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