I think I am morally bankrupt
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
