I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
my liver is dry heaving
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
