i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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