i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
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