he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
