And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
