after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
