i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
