I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
