I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
