Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
