I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
