Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
