she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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