Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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