party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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