That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
