Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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