When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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