I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
