this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
