my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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