did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
