I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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