I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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