remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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