this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
