It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
