Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
