And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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