i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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