im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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