There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
