so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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