I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
