you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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