if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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