Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
