She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
