quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
