out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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