Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
two words...techno handjob
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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