Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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