they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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