dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
