Apparently you make a good broom.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
